My Recent Struggle

Hello everyone,

I apologize that I haven’t posted in a very long time. After college life just seems to get in the way of all the little things you want to do rather then have to do.

I am writing today because I have experienced the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. My husband and I found out we were pregnant with our miracle baby earlier this fall. After turning my life upside down to make sure everything would be perfect for our growing family we found out our baby had stopped developing. There was nothing we could do but cry and morn this little miracle that we are never going to meet.

I waited weeks to have a natural miscarriage because I didn’t think I could mentally deal with the idea of surgery. It turned out that my body wasn’t able to detect that the baby had stoped developing and I had to go through the procedure regardless of how hard it would be. I prayed for so long to become pregnant and I knew walking into the hospital that day that when I woke up I would no longer be pregnant. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Early last year my husband and I were told that we would have very little time to have our own child and after trying for so long it seemed like nothing would work. I finally gave up hope on having my own child, I started focusing on a career and looked forward to the day that we could afford to adopt or find a surrogate to bless us with a completed family.

Then this miracle happened and I can’t begin to tell you how much it filled my life and my heart with happiness. I would have moved mountains for this little baby. And although I know there was nothing I could do to prevent this from happening I feel as if I have failed my family my husband and myself.

I know one day I will have the perfect family wether that be by giving birth or adoption. But the sadness this has caused has been the hardest thing I have had to endure.

I am writing this today because I have felt very alone in this time and I hope none of you ever experience this sadness. But if you ever find yourself in this horrible situation know that you are not alone. So many women go through this but we are too embarrassed or sad or heartbroken to talk about it. This has not been easy for me to write but if I can help one person feel as if they are not alone it was well worth my tears.

I am very lucky to have a strong support system of family and friends who love me. But the truth is not many people know what to say or what to do to help. It’s a very hard thing to understand if you have not been through this yourself.

I love you all, thank you for continuing to be a line of love and support!

Thank you to all my friends and family who have showed me all there love and support. You mean the world to me.

Xoxo

Michelle

Advertisements

An Open Letter to My Bridesmaids

It’s one of the most important days of your life. You have found the perfect man and fell head over heals in love and the time has come to take the wonderful walk down the aisle to say “I Do.” The morning of is filled with excitement, anxiety, happiness, and the smallest amount of fear.

At this point, the most important people in your world are the girls who have dedicated their lives the last few weeks to listening to you complain. Complain, about the little details that honestly won’t matter, held your hand through the stress of planning, spent hundreds of dollars on a dress you picked out for them, and cried with you when you finally said yes to your beautiful white dress. These girls become your backbone and support while planning your wedding and become your strength and sanity the day of your wedding.

I would like to send out an open letter to the girls who held my hand through this craziness and kicked their heals off to dance with me after it was all done and time to celebrate!

Dear Ashley, Kelsey, Heather, Jill M, Jill C, Cassie, Jadelyn, and Brittany.

Your love and support has meant so much to me. Since the day, you said yes to being in my wedding you have been my guardian angels. It is an incredibly hard job keeping me sane on any given day never mind my wedding day, or all the days leading up to it. Without you, I highly doubt I would have been able to make it down that aisle.

You were there for every minute of my chaotic planning whether it be in person to hold my hard or over the phone listening to my anxiety and excitement. My wedding day was perfect; It was straight out of my dreams, and it would not have been this way if it was not for all of you!

I apologize for my craziness and stress that I projected on to all you through this process. Now that I look back there was no need for any of it regardless of if all the centerpieces were in the exact center of the tables or if Burgundy was a good accent color for the reception. It didn’t matter if I wore pink or nude lipstick and having the red velvet cake be the perfect shade of red was foolish. But regardless you all talked me down from the ridiculous worries calmly without trying to shake the crazy out of me.

You all were so special to me before all the wedding planning began and my love for you all has only grown more and more since then.

Ashley (maid of Honor) : You have always been someone I look up to. Growing up I could only wish that I would end up like you! I may not have picked up your good social skills, but you have taught me so much. You may only be five years older than me, but you are my sister and I owe you so much! I am so lucky that you are my family because we will have this bond and friendship forever!

Kelsey (maid of Honor) : Best friends since November 1st, 1993, how lonely you must have been for those six months before I was born lol. I am so lucky to have a cousin I was able to grow up with. Being the same age bonded us to share all of the crazy stages life throws at young girls. As my cousin I know we will always have a bond, no matter where our lives take us we will always have each other. I guess this is one of the best parts about having a cousin as a best friend!

Heather: My new little sister! I have never had a little sister before, but I am so glad I have you! You have always been so easy to talk too, since the first day I met your family I have always admired you! You march to your own beat and have the most contagious personality; you have so much to offer the world. I am so proud to have you as a sister!

Jill M: My new big sister! You are one of the nicest people I have ever met! I love how I feel like I always have something to talk about with you! Whether it be fashion, celebrity gossip, our love for the same TV shows, Bickfords, or new books to read! I am so glad to have you as a big sister; we have so much in common, and I always look forward to texting you after the new episodes of our favorite shows! P.S. I am calling Lauren B to win Ben’s heart this season!

Jill C: I honestly do not know what I can say to you that hasn’t already been said! You have been my best friend for 17 years and even though at this point we know way too much about each other and have spent more time together than any two people should you still are one of my favorite people in this world! I look back on any of my big moments in the past 17 years, and you were there for them all. From the first day of first grade till today you have always been there! You will always be my Carrie, and I will always be you, Charlotte! (SITC)

Cassie: Roommates are always friends forever! I am so happy that I ended up rooming with you our sophomore year! You dealt with my crazy then, and you still do now. You are one of the few people that can always get my to open up and just enjoy life. I also think you got the most of my freak out texts leading up to the wedding!

Jadelyn: You are the easiest person to get to know! You are so bubbly and open no one can help but love you! You have been there for me and Tylers entire relationship and having you in my wedding was so special! Thanks for dancing with me all night!

Brittany: My new cousin! First I can’t believe we went to the same high school and never knew each other! You are a life saver, and I am so glad you were apart of my special day! When we told everyone at Christmas we would be getting married in 2 weeks I was nervous how everyone would take it, but you were so excited and supportive all my anxiety instantly left. I was already excited to be saying I do but somehow you made me even more excited! I am so glad that you and I are family!

You all are so beautiful inside and out! You looked stunning in your navy dresses, I love each and every one of you! I owe you all so much more than a letter! You all will forever be my girls, best friends, family, and bridesmaids!

 

Love

Michelle ❤

untitled-44.jpguntitled-25untitled-1089untitled-1074untitled-1083untitled-1055

 

 

Breast Cancer awareness

Hello again everybody!

I wanted to write to you today about an issue that is very important to me, and that is breast cancer. This is a horrible cancer that is killing many woman. When you think more deeply into this we know that it is not just taking away lives but also taking away mothers, daughters, sister, cousins, and best friends. We must find a cure! October is breast cancer awareness month and there are so many ways to help! Many stores are selling pink items with the profits going to finding a cure. I am not telling you all to go out and spend a lot of money but spread the word because it is very important.

MY grandma is a breast cancer survivor and went through a lot to be here with us today. She is a fighter and I am so proud to call her my nana!

I have bought a few items this mouth to help but I am also trying to spread the word. For the rest of this month I will be wearing pink to show my support!

XOXO

Michelle

Imagethis is nana <33