I apologize that I haven’t posted in a very long time. After college life just seems to get in the way of all the little things you want to do rather then have to do.
I am writing today because I have experienced the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. My husband and I found out we were pregnant with a baby earlier this fall. After turning my life upside down to make sure everything would be perfect for our growing family we found out our baby had stopped developing. There was nothing we could do but cry and morn this little miracle that we are never going to meet.
I waited weeks to have a natural miscarriage because I didn’t think I could mentally deal with the idea of surgery. It turned out that my body wasn’t able to detect that the baby had stoped developing and I had to go through the procedure regardless of how hard it would be. I prayed for so long to become pregnant and I knew walking into the hospital that day that when I woke up I would no longer be pregnant. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
Early last year my husband and I were told that we would have very little time to have our own child and after trying for so long it seemed like nothing would work. I finally gave up hope on having my own child, I started focusing on a career and looked forward to the day that we could afford to adopt or find a surrogate to bless us with a completed family.
Then this miracle happened and I can’t begin to tell you how much it filled my life and my heart with happiness. I would have moved mountains for this little baby. And although I know there was nothing I could do to prevent this from happening I feel as if I have failed my family my husband and myself.
I know one day I will have the perfect family wether that be by giving birth or adoption. But the sadness this has caused has been the hardest thing I have had to endure.
I am writing this today because I have felt very alone in this time and I hope none of you ever experience this sadness. But if you ever find yourself in this horrible situation know that you are not alone. So many women go through this but we are too embarrassed or sad or heartbroken to talk about it. This has not been easy for me to write but if I can help one person feel as if they are not alone it was well worth my tears.
I am very lucky to have a strong support system of family and friends who love me. But the truth is not many people know what to say or what to do to help. It’s a very hard thing to understand if you have not been through this yourself.
I love you all, thank you for continuing to be a line of love and support!
Thank you to all my friends and family who have showed me all their love and support. You mean the world to me.