#NIAW2020 In 2016 Tyler and I found out infertility would become a way of life! Infertility changes you as a person, it affects every aspect of your life. For people who haven’t experienced infertility it is hard to grasp everything infertility effects.
For me infertility became a lifestyle. I would put off planning vacations or RSVPing to events hoping that I would be pregnant at that time and not wanting to travel, every month I would calculate when my baby would be due if I conceived. When my period would arrive or I got another negative test I would cry, it didn’t matter if I was home, at work, at walmart. Each month my dreams died over and over again.
I become jealous and bitter, ever Facebook pregnancy announcement lead to an unfriend request because I would wonder why they deserved the family I couldn’t have!
People don’t know how to talk about infertility, when talking to someone odds are they said something wrong without trying. Friends became enemies, family became adversaries, doctors became ignorant.
Infertility effects everything, you read the fact 1 in 8 couples experience infertility but you feel alone. You see happy families everywhere and it seems like they were sent there just to make the depression worse!
For me Infertility lead to more diagnoses: anxiety and PTSD. Infertility lead to multiple surgeries, countless doctors appointments , and a trillion medications. When I finally became pregnant with Emma infertility became crippling fear, fear of bad news at every single ultrasound and doctors appointment. It became a constant fear that something was wrong, it became sleepless nights. Infertility took away the joy and happiness I should have felt in those moments!
Infertility made me the mother of an angel and the mother of a beautiful baby girl! The person and mother that I am today is because of infertility. I look at Emma everyday and thank God that she is mine, infertility took away my faith but Emma brought it back!
If you are experiencing infertility and have these feelings please know you are not alone. I pray for you every night and if you need someone to talk to I am here for you! Infertility has become a special community, a place filled with women who understand me when no one else does! We are sisters and are not alone, you do not have to talk about it or speak up but please understand you are not alone and we are all fighting for you we are all fighting together!
If you have not experienced infertility but have a loved one who is experiencing this please know that everyone deals with this differently, nothing you say is going to fix this. Just listen, listen to what they need and learn the triggers. Do what you can to help them through it, and do not take it personal if they push you away! I can’t tell you how to help her only she can!
If you have any questions for me I am an open book I am here for you all and want to help so please ask me anything!
Love you all,
Michelle & Emma
